I was asked once about assurance of salvation – how we know and in particular how we can help assure others, like our kids. The more I think about it, It’s a question with some potholes in the road. We can’t, even as adults with other adults, truly see the heart and thus assure anyone. Even as adults, we assume and give each other the benefit of the doubt of salvation based on their profession – until given sufficient and ample evidence that proves otherwise. Even the Apostle Paul had a Demas, someone he chose to travel with him and be a part of his ministry. In Philemon 1:24, Paul establishes him as his co-worker for the gospel ministry. I’m sure Paul was a great judge of character; he literally wrote the book on how to judge the character of potential elders, but at some point in 2 Tim 4:10, Paul states that “Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me”. After some time, it turns out Demas had the “weedy soil” heart. It has struck me during a sermon series on the soils that HALF the 4 soils appear saved – until something happens that reveals otherwise.
I distinctly remember the first time I ran into full-on case of apostasy. One of the long time, older deacons at a previous church, greatly respected; a man that we used to invite to our adult Bible class “Q&A” socials. We’d have him answer all of our questions about the faith. Obviously saved. Until one day, seemingly out of the blue, he announces he is divorcing his precious wife and has left the faith; no longer believing any of it. Poof – gone. Full on, in your face, apostasy. It was incredibly hard to believe, but it was unarguable. He proved he was never “of us”; he was the entire time an unbeliever who knew a lot, and I believe was self-deceived until one day something snapped and off came the mask.
Why in the world am I going there? This is not helping with the topic of assurance! I bring all that up to say that I’ve come to understand it is not our role to assure one another of salvation…because we simply can’t. God has not granted us the ability to truly see into the heart of others. He says we can’t even truly know ourselves (Jer 17:9). I remember at some of the events our old church held in the past, I spent a little time in the counseling room and ended up “praying the prayer” with a young man who had just experienced a dramatic church production. We talked very briefly about the basic facts of the gospel of Christ, he repeated after me a “sinner’s prayer”, and when we said amen, I welcomed him to the family of God and assured him of his salvation. I had spent maybe 15 mins with the guy right after a high emotion event and patted myself on the back. But that was standard evangelistic practice at the time (and still is in many circles). Many years later, after God opened my eyes from hundreds of expository sermons on Romans and I understood the gospel at a vastly deeper level, that event came to mind and I prayed a prayer of repentance for that – how could I assure this young man I’d known for 15 mins that based on his repeating words after me, that he was now saved? He may have never darkened the door of God’s church again after the emotion of the event wore off.
So I’m convinced that at the end of the day, assurance is a personal thing only received from the Spirit within, not from others without. If we want evidence, then time also needs to pass and our faith needs to be tested, not to inform God, but to inform us that we are real sons when we persevere through suffering (Hebrews 12:7-11).
So what do we do, especially as parents? I keep coming back to teach, model, encourage, and exhort. Having that focus on motive for our actions. I’ve heard this at biblical counseling conferences in the past – focus on the why behind the action – both when it’s sinful and when it’s good. Asking the question “When you chose to do X, what was going through your mind?” Help ourselves and others learn to do, as Paul instructed, self-evaluations of the heart, our motives, against the standard of God’s Word. Paul teaches us to examine ourselves to see if we’re in the faith. To make our calling and election sure. Looking at the fruit of the Spirit – are these things being manifested to some degree in your life on the inside.
A sin we have to watch out for is we’re by nature man-pleasers, so we’ll manifest and fake whatever ‘fruit’ helps us get our way. Oh, the depravity of the human heart. One ditch here is our hearts are deceptive, which is why we have to examine against the objective standard of God’s Word. I know the #1 person, by far, that will lie to me … is me. So I can’t trust a ‘me-centered’ self-evaluation. Which leads to the other ditch, which is falling into a state of “morbid introspection”, which is what I’m quite prone to. I have to catch myself when I’m back into that pit; I’m ‘navel gazing’ as its been called, and to take my eyes off of me and my sinful failures (after repenting) and get them back on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith. My assurance comes from him alone and my trust in his work, not some drummed up “feeling of satisfaction” within me. Assurance is not a feeling, its a fact that I get resettled in my mind, based on His Word. I remind myself that I’m certain he began something in me, I’m sure of that, and he promises to complete it. I’m getting on near 60 yrs old, and I still have seasons where my assurance wavers – but I’ve learned to get out of it by refocusing on Christ. I preach the gospel to myself and end up with a renewed sense of absolute desperation for HIS righteousness, his work to cover me, his keeping of me, and then an overwhelming sense of gratitude and amazement at his grace. I end up glorying in God’s character, not mine. I end in true worship. THAT gets me back to assurance. Other times, I just look back at life and see God’s faithfulness in KEEPING me through times when instead of blaming him for hard, even tragic events, I ran to him, trusting in his sovereignty, and I know that was not of me. Other times, I remind myself that God clearly states his Word is foolishness to the natural man…and that is it absolutely NOT foolishness to me; it is literally life – it’s the lens through which I view everything and even more so the older I get. When I sit to read it, I clearly and without question recognize it as truth; that it is the voice of the shepherd, and thus I am a sheep recognizing my shepherd’s voice. These things get me back to the fact, not the feeling, of assurance, when I “look unto Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.”
So my assurance doesn’t and can’t come from other folks, even those closest to me. It comes from things like this. I’ve seen people, even at my age and older, suddenly throw it all away when finally their self-deception is removed. I’ve seen and know the reality of self-deception and apostasy. Assurance must come from within when I get focused rightly on Christ and then the Spirit testifies to my spirit that I’m wholly leaning on Jesus and He is faithful. Then I can sing, with all that is in me, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.” My hope is not built on my fruit, my work, my behavior. The LACK of any fruit long term is a faithful indicator I’m not saved, but the presence of it is not my assurance either. My assurance comes from faith in Christ alone, looking AWAY from me to Him.