I’m reminded of something I heard several years ago at a biblical counseling conference. I may not have it exactly right, but I remember talking about the deadly spiral we can all get into; a series of “D”s.
Quick disclaimer: In this article, I’m not addressing anything in the realm of chemical/hormonal imbalances or anything else with a physiological cause. I’m no doctor. I’m no certified anything. I’m a dad just talking about how I process daily experiences, my internal spiritual battles, and the way I have to fight them.
Those D’s went something like this:
Disappointment -> Depression -> Despair -> Death
What a slope that is – and I think we’re all on it to some degree. If nothing else, who can say they don’t live with disappointment? A million things disappoint us – things that don’t turn out or measure up to what we were expecting. The latest whiz-bang gadget we really want and finally order from Amazon and we sit there and hit ‘Refresh’ on the shipping tracking link waiting for it to arrive. We open the box and then anywhere from 5 minutes to a week or two later, we realize it wasn’t “all that”. People, even those we love, disappoint us at times, and we disappoint them. Circumstances don’t turn out quite like we expected and disappoints us. You simply can’t avoid disappointment. We all have expectations of how something is going to be – and then it isn’t.
I think the Bible faces this head on. I’m reminded that in the soaring heights of Romans 8 there is a “punch in the face” reality check also. Right there in Romans 8:18 he speaks of “the sufferings of this present time” and goes on in vs 20 to tell us plainly “for the creation itself was subjected to futility”.
That word strikes me right in the gut – futility. EVERYTHING has been subjected to futility. This is God’s word telling it to us straight with the hashtag #nofilter. The word ‘futility’ takes us to Ecclesiastes; a book we can all read about this life and go “Yep.” That word also takes us all the way back to Genesis 3 where the entire creation is cursed. Cursed because of us – our first parents Adam and Eve and their rebellion as creatures against the Creator, passed on to all mankind. Death has now entered the scene and is universal and inevitable due to pots rebelling against the Potter. EVERYTHING bears the marks of that and the appropriate word is ‘futility’.
I don’t think it’s any big secret that a lot of what we do feels futile. Everything we do apart from Christ is. You work so hard…and miss that promotion. You try and try and try, and don’t get that job. You set all kinds of expectations on relationships…and they don’t quite live up to those expectations. You get a little surplus built up…and the car breaks down. You think the latest gizmo is going to be awesome, and it loses its luster in a day or two. You give your all to something or someone, only to be left behind or unacknowledged.
A part of our daily lives is disappointment. We set unmet expectations. It’s not always that our expectations are bad or wrong; it’s just that God’s word is very clear we live in a universe subjected to futility. Disappointment is a way of life and if you can read this, you know what I’m talking about.
Therefore we must lean to deal with it correctly, as repeated disappointment leads us down the slope to the next “D” – Depression. We start to realize that nothing is right, nothing satisfies, and we are in constant disappointment. If we focus on the disappointments we start on a downward spiral; the more we focus on it, the deeper it gets. I find that depression can easily get its tentacles around me when my focus is me. When I get depressed, my thoughts, my ‘self-talk’, and my words are all “I, me, my” usually with a good chunk of “I deserve” thrown in. Depression, I find, is my self-focused response to repeated disappointment. I walk around in a doom and gloom attitude consumed by how nothing is going my way. Gratitude, for anything, is nowhere in sight. Depression, if not dealt with, is a black hole whose gravitational pull is hard to escape.
It leads to Despair – the loss of hope. Continual focus on “Woe is me” leads to “There is no hope of anything ever changing.” It just “is what it is” and will probably get worse. Any form of hope is lost. Once you get there, I could see how thoughts of just “ending it all” can start to creep in if you get to and stay at a point of loss of all hope. Loss of all hope is a huge line to cross that puts us in real danger.
We need to recognize this download sloping road. We need to recognize not only the road, but that we are all on it, at least dealing with daily disappointment. We also need to recognize that we have someone leading, even pushing us down that slope, cheering us on to the next stage. Jesus told us this rather plainly:
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy,
John 10:10a. ESV
We all have an absolute enemy, the devil. He hates God and hates his creation and at the apex of that creation are those beings created in God’s image…us. Jesus tells us he’s out to destroy us image-bearers of the one he hates. Take a moment to really think about Jesus’ use of the word “only” in that description – this is ALL the enemy does and that is steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus clearly and plainly tells us the devil’s only purpose statement, his only “vision statement”, his only mission. This is rather vividly displayed in the headlines of our world today. If you need any convincing of the truth of the above verse, you aren’t paying attention to the culture of death and destruction.
If we don’t recognize and take steps to get ourselves off this progressive slope through the four D’s, we have someone actively pushing us down it to the inevitable end. We have all the help we need to progress to the next stage “D”.
So what do we do? I don’t know about you, but the devil is far more powerful being than I – he is influencing the entire world down this path.
I think every human alive deals constantly with stage 1 – disappointment. I find myself in stage 2 fairly easily as well – depression. Thankfully, I think I can say I’ve never moved from depression into despair. But I do fall into and then wallow around in the depression phase a while until The Lord disciplines me and pulls me back up the slope. However, I can see how easy it is to slide on down this slope; I can see how the path I get on could lead me there if I don’t change course.
So again, the question is what do you DO? The answer I’ve found for me is simple…but hard. You become a preacher. A preacher of God’s truth to a congregation of one – yourself. I can’t tell you the number of full-length sermons I’ve preached from God’s Word…to me. Here’s an example:
When I quoted John 10:10 above, it was only the first half. In that first half, Jesus tells us the devil’s mission statement; why he’s here. Jesus doesn’t end it there, he goes on in the second half to tell us His mission statement; why He’s walking around on this planet.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10 ESV
After that period there’s a huge BUT or HOWEVER in there. The thief is here to kill and destroy BUT I’m here now that you may have life. And not just any life, have it abundantly – eternally.
Even in Romans 8:20 where Paul is telling us that everything is subjected to futility, he doesn’t leave it here. Here’s the full verse:
For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope
Romans 8:20 ESV (emphasis added)
The creation was subjected to futility, by God himself as a result of the curse due to our willful rebellion against our Creator. However, even in the curse of creation, this tells me something wonderful. He did it – IN HOPE. Hope of what? Keep reading:
that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.
Romans 8:21 ESV
In hope that the creation itself will be freed from the curse, its bondage to corruption. But freed from that into WHAT? This is the mind-blowing part – that the creation will obtain not just release from its bondage to corruption but obtain freedom – what freedom? The freedom of the glory of the children of God. The same freedom we believers will enjoy…forever. Wow! It doesn’t stop there; keep reading!
22For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons,
Romans 8:22 ESV
I love the honesty. YES, all of creation is GROANING now. Groaning in pain. And not only creation, but we ourselves are groaning inwardly. That right there tells us outright that disappointment is real – and constant. We are groaning in this world all the time. Futility is not fulfilling or fun, it breeds disappointment and hurt. God’s word doesn’t hide reality in pleasantries and platitudes. However, it tells us of HOPE – we do groan now but in hope as we wait eagerly for…adoption as sons! Removal of the curse, restoration of creation, and adoption into God’s own family. No more curse, no more futility, no more sorrow, no more tears, just life eternal and abundant!
So the thief, the devil, is doing all the stealing, killing, and destroying he can – but if we preach these truths to our congregation of one – he can’t push us down that road very far – God’s truth will turn us onto a different road – one of hope.
So if I’m heavy in the disappointment phase, which happens a lot in this futile world, how do I not progress into depression? Well, first of all, I do go there more than I care to admit. Self-focused “woe is me” is way too easy of a trap to fall into. My step #1 is to go back to principles of God’s Word. A big one for me when I think I deserved X and I received X-minus, is to not focus on X-minus but switch and contemplate that word “deserve” – “what do I actually deserve?” Disappointment stems from my wrong thinking on what I deserve. I have to get honest with myself early on that I deserve one thing and one thing only – hell. That’s what I’ve merited. The fact that I’m not there right now is simply God’s mercy and grace. I preach that to my self, along with the fact that yes, this world is not all there is and it’s currently subjected to futility. My expectations were the problem to begin with.
It’s hard for disappointment to grow and take hold and progress into depression if you are preaching these truths to yourself. You begin to see that you are actually the recipient of untold mercy and grace, and you get future-focused and restore hope.
How do I get myself out of times of depression? The same. I have to wake up and become a preacher. Its about our focus. If I’m depressed, that means I’ve spent way too much time in self-talk focused on me, what I think I deserved, how others failed me, etc. Constantly grumbling and complaining on the inside. It leaks out.
But then something will happen that wakes me up to this. A sermon, a certain worship song lyric during a service, something I read in the Bible, or a prayer where I rehearse before God the truths I already know of Him. If I can just quit grumbling, mumbling, and complaining internally for a minute and instead start “counting my blessings” – start thinking about the good I enjoy I don’t deserve, start thinking about who God is and how he’s showered me with grace and mercy and good, God uses it to pull me out. The antidote to all this is Truth because I’m believing lies. Believers, though we fall into times of depression, God will, as he teaches us in Hebrews, discipline us as sons. That discipline is a sign of adoption, not rejection. I must learn to love it for that reason. He returns me to living with an ‘attitude of gratitude’.
I’m reminded that some of the heroes of the faith, like Spurgeon, struggled mightily with depression, far beyond what I experience. But he too preached to himself as he preached to thousands.
Become a preacher to the congregation of one.