I went to a wedding recently. Watched a very dear, long time friend of mine walk his only child, his daughter, down the aisle. Saw his tears – and felt them all over again. I’ve done it 3 times so far.
From one dad to another – I feel ya. It ain’t easy…and it isn’t supposed to be. It’s strange I know. You’re happy for them, you’re happy to see them so happy – and yet it tears you up inside.
No one but a dad knows what it’s like to walk that aisle, arm in arm with your daughter. That little girl that after so many months of pregnancy and pain for your wife, emerged from her and was an absolute miracle. You’ve watched over her from a sleeping, eating, pooping infant through two or more decades to arrive at the beautiful young lady she is today. It’s a long journey you’ve walked.
And then you walk her down an aisle, and a pastor has the audacity to ask, “Who gives this young lady to be married to this man?” You want to say “Who GIVES HER AWAY?!?!? Are you kidding me?”
Been there, done that.
It’s hard – and its SUPPOSED to be. It’s designed that way.
No one has to remind us this is and has been the goal all along. We intellectually know that. We raised them to be a wife, a help-meet, to a Godly man. We raised them to be a good wife and mother and contributor. It was the goal all along.
Doesn’t make it any easier when the time arrives for all that to come to fruition.
We turn to God’s word to help us. Gen 2:24. Before the Fall, before sin entered the world, when God looked at his creation and said it was all good and very good, He said this:
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Gen 2:24 ESV
Interesting that God said this before the Fall and long before they even knew what “father” and “mother” meant. Part of the “very good” in the mind of God.
As parents, we don’t like that word “leave”. It isn’t meant to be easy; but it is God’s good and perfect will. New autonomous families must arise from the previous generation. It is the way God carries on life and His plans for this world. It is good. And it is hard. Parents of children who “leave and cleave” understand.
No one but a dad understands the weightiness of the moment when you walk them down the aisle, answer that crazy question with something like “Her mother and I”, place your daughter’s hand in the hands of a young man, and take your seat. No one but a dad understands the massive transfer that takes place at that moment. She has been your little girl, under every ounce of your love, provision, and protection from the moment of birth. And you’ve just transferred that responsibility, taken your seat, and the rest of the ceremony is the cleaving of your little girl to her new earthly provider and protector. It is Gen 2:24 becoming a stark reality in your life. A massive transfer has just taken place. Oh, you’ll always be there for them as long as you and they draw breath, but you are now purely secondary. Her new husband is primary, by far. As it should be, and as it is in God’s eyes as well. It’s His will coming to pass.
For our little girls, we want it to stay as it has always been. It can’t. The one constant is change. As I think about it, this may be because God is teaching us something. It’s like he’s saying, “You want immutability, you want good, unchanging, eternal relationships? THAT is to be found in one and only one place – ME.” There is only one who can and does promise “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” It isn’t our spouse or our children. Death will separate you and your spouse one day. Marriage will separate your children from you, and rightly so as they leave and cleave, carrying on the generations as God desires in a new, separate family unit.
The only relationship in this world that will not and can not change is our relationship with the God who will not and can not change.
And that is enough. More than enough.
Fellow dad, there is one who created us, formed us in our mother’s womb, has given us every breath and heart beat we’ve had, and has blessed us with a spouse and children. Enjoy those blessings to the fullest. Let all the feelings of them leaving and cleaving to another show you the depth of love you’ve had and have and be thankful for it – and then cling ever more closely to the one who will never leave you because He is your maker, your shepherd, the one who will bring you into an unchanging eternity of reward.
That relationship, the apex of them all, will never change.